Adult Jokes

Ma & Pa
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma,
Ma said what was that for?
Pa said for forty years of bad sex.
Ma said oh and continued rocking.
Ma reached over and slapped Pa.
Pa said what was that for?
Ma said for knowing the difference.

Old Italian Mafia Don
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I want you to listen to me. I want you to take my 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me.

But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You listen to me, some day you going to run the business, you are going have a beautiful wife, lot of money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino, some day you come home and maybe find your wife in be with another man. What are you going do then? Point to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?
On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.

Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!'

Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher.

'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.

'Pockets!' said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, 'Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'